How is it that some people have the ability to simply bounce back from addictions, hardships, poor circumstances and persistent misfortune? Why is it that other people are simply unable to overcome and break free from these adversities?
This is the no bars held truth on how to develop the exact same character strengths that resilient people use to deal with life’s biggest issues.
Developing Your Resilience
As human beings we are all born into a complex soup of physiological, psychological and sociological traits.
From early childhood we are indoctrinated into patterns of society condoned etiquettes, we learn quickly how to stifle any forms of the emotional and or physical yearnings that are deemed “unbecoming of a [lady/gentleman]” and ultimately become experts in bottling these inner urges and emotions until they form resentments.
With age and maturity we begin to universally adopt the many society conditioned viewpoints of “rights and wrongs” and in turn bestow these learnings upon our offspring, so that ultimately we become part of the perpetual cycle, handing over misconceptions ideologies and seldom fit neatly within the rapidly changing contexts of modern day life.
Human beings are however inherently born with no such “ethics or morality” these are nurtured into us by our parents, teachers and authority figures. There are innumerate cultural examples throughout history and present day society where seemingly outlandish traditions of a culture are the perfectly acceptable norm of another culture.
Internal oppositions to our cultural norms as humans ultimately tie us into the underlying sense of anxiety which begins to drive aspect of our lives as adults.
Anxiety is, for lack of a better description is a core component of “the human condition” in that we have inherited our own blend of anxieties from our family, culture, relationships and society as a whole and to us this anxious state is the “norm”.
Understanding your anxiety, where it comes from and how it affects you each day is the first step to developing your own resilience as a human being, pottering around this green and blue planet.
Own Your Anxiety
Unfortunately dealing with underlying anxiety is not something that you got trained on in school. Without expensive therapy it’s incredibly hard for many of us to open up this can of worms. When the “A word” comes out, most of us veer away from the topic as it involves finding out something potentially flawed in our mental health makeup.
Other people avoiding your discussions about your anxieties is perfectly normal, that is their society conditioned response. Steer clear of the crazy ones. That is a human trait and we all know nothing about anxiety so we avoid the topic, take medication, and hope it goes away.
The truth is that anxiety is a mental health tool and not a mental health problem. Quite literally without the drivers of anxiety we would not get out of bed in the morning. Anxiety is a natural response that has enabled our species to not only survive but to learn and thrive. Mastering anxiety is the key to unlocking yourself and your resilience to the many triggering situations that day to day life throws in your path.
Unlocking your anxiety as a super power
Anxiety is the universal driver in everyday society. It’s the key to commerce as much as it is the protector of your physical wellbeing. Our anxieties are but one of the few traits that separate us from any other life-forms on this planet and should not remain hidden, but we do have to keep them under control.
Only by understanding our personal anxieties are we able to able to identify the components that we can influence or will have to accept.
Resilience is the process of adapting oneself to be able to deal with trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress this includes family and relationship problems, serious health problems or workplace and financial stressors and even addictions themselves.
This does not mean you don’t feel the trauma, stress or tragedy you simply respond to it differently. The good news is that this response of “bounce back” to a more serene and accepting state can be learned.
This “bounce back” factor in resilient people hinges on some of our fundamental needs which are psychologically embedded in who we are as people and how we have learned to deal with trauma and past experiences of it.
Our inherent needs as humans is to survive but to thrive and have meaning. Resilient people strive and thrive and have meaning and have learned some interesting tactics to cope with problems as they arise.
While most of us understand the concepts of survival and thriving many of us neglect the final and perhaps more spiritual mechanism by which we can build our robust resilience.
Status AnxietyWe Are All AnxiousBe Less AnxiousBe More Grateful
Meaning
The meaning that we seek comes from an internal perspective on life, this is a spiritual undertaking. An evolved spiritual undertaking is key and it is completely independent of religion.
Spiritual people have better tactics to deal with their trauma by applying a measure of calmness and “serenity” to their problem and finding an objective and constructive viewpoint that they can work from.
We have a collective need to progress and when we are disrupted along the way we face a number of conflicting actualisations and tend to revert back toward patterns of “learned behaviour” to deal with the issues at hand. This pattern can be self-destructive or non-productive or the complete opposite depending on the person.
We have to realise that failure and adversity is OK. In eastern philosophy failure and adversity is the constant, we are bourn into it and never get over it till we die. Morbid as it may sound it’s actually quite enlightening when you actively think about it.
It happens and it’s part of life.
Relationships don’t work, tragedies happen and all the other things we strive for as humans never come with any degree of certainty.
Here is their 10-step “prescription” to re-train your brain into becoming more resilient.
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Keep a positive attitude. Although it may seem too simple, keeping a positive attitude is key to deflecting stressors. This can be difficult for some people–a large part of how optimistic you are is determined by genetics and the chemistry of your brain’s reward circuits. One way to restructure your brain’s response to stress is to stop pessimistic thoughts in their tracks. Ask yourself if there’s any rational basis to feel negatively about a situation. Recognize that you’re in control of whether the glass is half-empty or half-full.
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Reframe your stressful thoughts. If the root of your stress can be linked to a particular event, try reframing the event in your head and realizing that failure is essential for growth. Much like optimism, you can learn to “alter the perceived value and meaningfulness” of the event by reframing it, assimilating it, accepting it and recovering from it.
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Develop your moral compass. Altruism is strongly related to resilience, and strengthening your set of core beliefs can help. The authors note that there is a strong correlation between faith and religious or spiritual beliefs and resilience.
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Find a resilient role model. Imitation is a powerful mode of learning. Our role models are so important in our lives that their values can influence our own values through psychological imprinting. Whether they’re world leaders or friendly neighbors, find role models that you can look up to in times of stress.
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Face your fears. Fear is normal. Don’t be ashamed of being afraid, the authors note. Fear can be a powerful tool that can increase your self-esteem by helping you learn and practice skills necessary to overcome stress.
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Develop active coping skills. Despite how painful it may be, try actively coping with your stressors instead of withdrawing and surrendering to them. The most resilient people use active rather than passive coping skills like minimizing appraisal of the stressor, creating positive statements about themselves, and actively seeking support from others.
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Establish and nurture a supportive social network. Very few of us can “go at it alone,” the authors note. Building a safety net of close relationships with friends or organizations can boost your emotional strength during times of stress. Plus you’ll feel the validation of helping others deal with their own stressors.
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Prioritize your physical well-being. Regular exercise is often touted as one of the keys to cleansing your mind of stress, and with good reason. Regular physical activity has been linked to improvements in mood, cognition, regulation of emotion, immunity, and overall self-esteem. Exercise may seem trivial when you’re faced with mounting stress and anxiety, so try to think of it as a welcome reprieve rather than as yet another task to be completed. Again, it’s all about framing your mindset.
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Train your brain. Changing the way your brain works may seem like a daunting task, but with a little self-discipline it can be accomplished through regular and rigorous training. The authors suggest that working to build emotional intelligence, moral integrity, and physical endurance can all help deflect stressors. And don’t forget to rest your brain–adequate sleep is central to all aspects of brain training.
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Play to your strengths. Recognise, utilize, and grow your signature character strengths to actively prepare for difficult and stressful situations. If you have strong social skills or want to develop them, set aside time to spend with your social network. If you prefer staying in, try writing or pursuing your favorite artistic endeavours. Do what you’re good at (or simply what you enjoy doing) and give yourself a pat on the back. You deserve it.
